Fleur Marks will teach you many things. One being that you need to put your own oxygen mask on first – and despite being a senior wellbeing expert and strategist, she learnt this the hard way.

In her former life in Sydney, Fleur’s work involved educating corporates on the benefits of living a more balanced life (she led the largest corporate wellbeing programme in Australia across 70 companies). Yet behind the scenes, she was privately navigating monthly toxic infusions to keep her rare auto-immune disease, Sarcoidosis, under control. A year later, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. With two small children to care for, the family re-evaluated what they wanted their life to look like, packed up and moved to Byron Bay in search of a more balanced life. It was here, Fleur ended up founding The Wellbeing Store, which offers everything from products to workshops focused on wellbeing.  

Here, we quiz Fleur on everything from how she has navigated living life with an auto-immune disease, advice for women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer, as well as practical tips for how to live a more fulfilled, happy life. 

You led the largest corporate wellbeing programme in Australia across 70 companies while fighting for your own life – what was happening in your personal life at this time?

During this time, I was navigating monthly toxic infusions to keep my rare auto-immune disease, Sarcoidosis, under control whilst leading real change in 70 companies by bringing the focus towards the important of wellbeing in a high-performance culture. I love work and wanted to create real impact whilst I could. At this time, I had failed all treatment and knew I was never going to get better, so as I navigated experimental treatment, I was actively practicing various wellbeing practices such as energy optimisation, best practice productivity methods, self-care and compassion so I could show up authentically, as well as I could be and lead this culture change. 

About one year into this role, I was also diagnosed with breast cancer to further challenge me! It forced me to really question again whether I was truly living the life I wanted. The answer was “not yet”.  Whilst I was honouring my purpose of helping others take care of their wellbeing, I wanted to take my impact further and also create a lasting legacy for my family as I knew I was here for a good time, not a long time.

So, whilst navigating daily radiation treatment, I began to shape the life I truly wanted. I got really clear on what bought me conscious joy and how I wanted to be and live. What truly mattered to me and how would I give myself permission to actually honour my deepest desires.  In the last year, I have been able to realise my vision by moving to Byron Bay, leaving corporate life, launching my own business - The Wellbeing Store – and being amongst my tribe of wellbeing experts in the wellbeing mecca, Byron Bay.

You suffered a series of serious health issues – take us back to the beginning of this journey of falling ill? Do you remember the moments you were diagnosed and how did you copy mentally?

My body was shouting at me and I chose to ignore all the signs I was chronically ill. After all, I was too busy to slow down, and didn’t have time to rest! I was the overachiever career driven Mum who was trying desperately to do ‘the juggle’ and ‘have it all’ so put my initial symptoms down to the fatigue of being a working parent.

I used to be a runner and had signed up to run the Medoc marathon in Bordeaux, France, where you run in fancy dress through 52 vineyards – my kind of marathon! It was during this race that I began to cough blood but thought it was red wine! I never really recovered from the race and developed a cough post-race.  I ‘pushed through’ as I didn’t have time to stop but my body started screaming at me and I couldn’t get through a sentence without coughing blood, so I had to go and get checked out.

I was told that I either had tuberculosis, cancer or a rare autoimmune disease called Sarcoidosis. I needed immediate surgery as my lymph nodes in my chest area to diagnose what was wrong. It was Sarcoidosis. The doctors then threw many drugs at me to try and slow the disease flare down. Unfortunately, nothing was working and then the disease spread to my eye, uveitis, which can cause you to go blind, so chemo and high dose steroids were considered the most effective next step to get things under control. 17 chemo rounds and countless steroids later, things began to get under control. I had to step out of working for two years with no guarantees I would get better as this disease as no known cause or cure.  

What does it mean to live day to day with the rare and non-curable autoimmune disease, Sarcoidosis?

The main symptoms are chronic fatigue, a dry cough, plus as my disease has spread to multiple organs and also is in my lymph nodes which are all over your body, inflammation appears when I am in a flare. As I have neurosarcoidosis, I battle significant brain pain and facial/central nervous system nerve pain or facial numbness, chronic foot neuropathy (broken glass feet), and weird and wonderful infections as I am immune suppressed.

I have not been able to fly further than three hours on a plane as it swells the brain so COVID has been my reality for the last five years. Every morning I check in with my energy levels and have learnt to optimise my energy on good or bad days – adjust on the days where I am not good. I have designed a productivity system for how I work so I get what matters done and achieve the same outputs as a well person as I still have to work. I make sure all my thinking or most important tasks are done in the morning when I am at my best.  

My disease can flare at any time, so I don’t tend to plan beyond the month. We do not plan holidays as too many holidays have been cancelled thanks to my health. Hope is not something I hold anymore as it is too devastating to have that lost – so I expect nothing and have lowered my ambitions to work with my body. Still a work in progress every day.  

I also make sure I actually take care of my wellbeing – fuelling my body with a clean diet, exercising 6 out of 7 days to keep me strong and fit, take care of my mental health with a morning routine that sets me up, resting when I need it and practicing self-care, so I don’t burnout as I naturally love to work/give.

I also make very conscious decisions around where I focus my energy and have had to learn self-compassion and how to stick to my boundaries as I look well, yet I am very sick. 

I also try to live fully, making the most of every day I can get out of bed as I never know when I will next be stuck in bed for a time. 

You were diagnosed with breast cancer – where are you up to in this journey?

It was three years ago now. I had just failed another treatment. I was worn out from the last seven years of battling, so it came as a real blow. Cancer was easier to navigate as there is amazing support, people know what it is (unlike sarcoidosis), and the treatment/surgery protocols are established and effective. But it was another thing to overcome on top of my existing disease and the impact of seven years of enduring treatment continuously. Resilience is my middle name! To face another thing was almost too much to bear. Yet I put on my big girl panties and faced this challenge. The radiation showed me another level of chronic fatigue and mentally the challenge was even harder. During the cancer treatment, I had to stop treatment for my other disease, so once I was finished treatment, my other disease decided to flare and so I had to face more treatment after the breast cancer treatment was successful so a never-ending challenge. No rest for the wicked!

What advice do you have for other women battling breast cancer?

Three pieces of advice:

1.     Take it a day at a time – it is a long journey with lots of unknowns. Be kind to yourself and surrender to rest when you need it as it will help you endure and sustain the treatment. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and focus on you.

2.    Exercise every day if you can – I trained through all of my treatment despite the debilitating fatigue – it kept me mentally well and research has shown it really helps you to recover quickly.

3.    It’s okay to not be okay - Watch your mental health once treatment is over. I was unprepared for the emotional toll when I was in the clear and completed treatment. I felt blue for some months post treatment as I held my breath figuratively and literally during radiation. Don’t be afraid to get some support to help you navigate the mental impact as well as physical impact.

How did you navigate this unimaginable time as a parent?

My babies were 5 and 8 when I first fell chronically sick 11 years ago. Too small to understand yet aware enough that something was very wrong. When I got cancer, it was another unimaginable time for them to go through. Even telling them was incredibly tough.

I had to overcome and let go of what I believed was being a good Mum. I had to grieve that I would not be the Mum I wanted to be. I also had to work through the feeling of sadness that I may not be there for them in the future. I had to deal with my own feelings of the unknown whilst being brave and present to their needs as they had not chosen this situation either. We were all in this together and I just had to do the best I could. I learnt to be vulnerable, real, and present as well as practice self-kindness and self-care so I could be there for them and find the simplicity in the simple pleasures.  

What is your advice to other mothers who are battling illness while trying to raise children?

1. Be your competent incompetent best self – give yourself permission to just do your best one day at a time. There will be days where you are showing up as the Mum you want to be and other days where you are not able to be. Whatever state you are in, know your kids love you and just being around is simply enough for them.

2. Tell them the truth (but not the war and peace version – depending on their age, be open with them about what is happening.

Telling my kids I had cancer or that I was not going to get better were the hardest and bravest conversations of my life so far. Kids have a sixth sense of when it is bad and when you are hiding the truth. Be honest and tell them what they need to know and nothing more. Then ask them what would help them or what they can trust to be the same/true. Help describe to them how things will be.

3. Self-full to be self-less – my daughter, Isabella, taught me this one.

In fact, she gave me permission by saying this to me. As the saying goes, put your oxygen mask on first. The thing is if you take care of yourself first, you actually will more be able to take care of your children. As a mother, I often left my needs to last, giving all of myself to my children and everyone else which was a natural instinct for me so to swap this around took some time. It was only when I experienced the sustainable energy and ability I had to give more as a result, that convinced me on the power of being consciously selfish so you can be sustainably generous.

4. Ask for help from others.

As a mother, admitting out loud that you are not coping and need some help takes real courage. My deep desire to want to do it all it is strong so asking for help was an act of real bravery. The amazing thing about asking for help, is that people actually want to help you! I realised I couldn’t keep up with dinners and when my husband got home, he would run around like a mad man trying to get everything done plus deal with me as I couldn’t often get out of bed. So we asked people to help with meals. We setup a blue eskie bin outside our front door and one of the school Mums (bless her) setup a roster. Magically, that blue Esky bin got filled up and the love and support I felt from this was overwhelming and really helped.

You made the decision to relocate to Byron Bay – why did you make the change and how has it changed your life?

Part of living my fullest life was to relocate to Byron Bay. There is something magical and healing about this place plus it is the perfect wellbeing mecca to launch a wellbeing business. I love the sea and wanted to be near it every day. I have loved being in Byron Bay ever since. 

Relocating is daunting for a lot of people who think life can only happen in a big city. What’s your advice to these people?

Life is for living. Ask yourself are you truly living the life you want? If not, figure out what that looks like and be very focused on how you can make it a reality. Like Marie Forleo, I believe everything figureoutable. Don’t let the ‘shoulds’ get in the way. Listen to what you truly want, do your research, trust your gut, and just do it. Don’t overthink it. Give yourself permission to realise what you truly want and create a life by design, not default. Afterall, life is short, and you deserve it.

Can you talk us through the power of small habits? What small habits do you incorporate into your life?

With amazing books like Atomic Habits by James Clear and Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg, I began taking charge of my wellbeing by committing to small incremental shifts with healthy habits that were sustainable for me. Why? Because small shifts have sustainable results plus often you need to experience it to believe it.   

Every week, I will focus on 1-3 habits that I really want to work on to honour my wellbeing and productivity. Then once this habit is embodied, I then pick another habit I would like to master. It is a proven method to build good habits and break bad ones. For example, my habits this week are:

1) Lights out by 10pm

2) Rest for 15 minutes (doing nothing) during the day

3) No treat with my tea at night, as it's a little naughty habit that I need to break.

When I was at my most ill, this practice served me well. I felt overwhelmed with my battle so needed to keep it small so I felt like I could succeed and also make it a sustainable habit longer term. Start small, see how it feels for one week, and if you are experiencing the benefits of this habit, then stick at it.

You train people on MITs – Most Important Tasks. Talk us through this concept?

The 80:20 rule is one of the most helpful concepts for life and time management.  Also known, as the Pareto Principle, this rule suggest that 20% of your activities will account for 80% of your results. This principle helps you prioritise your day. I use the Most Important Tasks approach (MITs) to help shape my focus and priorities as we often get swept up in the urgent and don’t get the important tasks done. So, every day, I prioritise three Most Important Tasks by asking the following three questions:

1) What are the three most important things I could do today that will help me move closer to my goals?

2) If these three tasks were the only thing I accomplished today, would I be satisfied with my day?

3) How can I structure my day to ensure my MITs get done first, before anything else?

This practice has been a game changer for me and meant that when I get to the end of the month, I have accomplished my goals and achieved what truly matters.

What are your personal MITs?

My personal most important tasks change for me daily as it is a daily practice. Although sometimes I will set MITs for my week and month to help steer me.

Today’s MITs are: 1) Design a course – Be Your Own Bestie. 2) Take a rest during the day (as I am battling chronic fatigue today and need to have sustainable energy all day). 3) Write this article for you.

You recently opened The Wellbeing Store – what’s your mission with your new business? How has it changed your mindset?

I launched the store with desire to create a greater impact by helping people take care of their wellbeing and to give a more considered gift of wellbeing for people going through life stuff.

More specifically, our purpose is:

Whilst I can, my legacy now is to continue to share my wellbeing expertise and experience to help others learn how to navigate the best life possible in a constantly changing world. Whilst being stuck in bed sick, I curated Wellbeing kits based on learned experience and have thought deeply about what would really help people take care of their wellbeing. 

My aim is to help others experience what it means to take care of yourself as I have had to learn the hardest life lesson that without your health, you have nothing. 

My ‘sick kits’ are from in-depth experience of what people really need when they are facing true adversity in their health. There will be a point in the future where I will no longer be able to work, so this online store is my legacy for my family and to the world to help others truly take care of themselves, so they live a long, happy and full life. 

Since launching the store, my mindset has changed in that it is a lot harder than it looks. I am not afraid of hard work. I have learnt realising a vision takes consistency, commitment and grit to actually get there. As it matters so much to me, I have had to watch myself as a natural workaholic that I do not build this business at the cost of my wellbeing as I have very high standards and hopes. I have had to adjust my expectations on myself and build the business slowly as I am able.  I have also been blown away by the support the amazing brands we partner with and all of the wellbeing community who have helped me along the way.  Launching a new business in COVID-19 has not been without its challenges, yet I could not think of a better time as the need is ever-increasing as we navigate such uncertain times.