Picture this: You’ve spent several long nights perfecting a work project — a project that you’ll be presenting in front of the executives at your job. You’re hopeful that this project, and your presentation of it, will finally get you that promotion you desperately want.

You’ve pictured this exact moment unfolding: the swoon-worthy outfit you’ll be sporting, the roar of applause you’ll receive when you’ve finished, and of course, the smile on your boss’ face as she announces your promotion to everyone. Then finally, you’ll be happy — you’ve achieved exactly what what you wanted: Elle Woods-level success. You’ll get to update your LinkedIn. You’ll tell your friends. You might even post about it on Instagram or Twitter if you’re feeling particularly boastful. You’ll finally have your own corporate version of leaving the office Breakfast Club-style, with your first high in the air.

But when it comes to actually presenting, you’re riddled with anxiety. You've spent so many hours on this — even when you’re not actually working on this project, you're thinking about your perfect moment of success. When it comes time to present, you make a minor mistake and finish. There is no roar of applause, there is no announcement of promotion. Your boss pats you on the back, mentions that you’ve done a good job, and you head back to your desk where you ruminate: Was I  ever really good at this job? Will I ever be? Do I even deserve to have this job at all?

For perfectionists and daydreamers, envisioning a perfect moment — like nailing a work project and getting a promotion —  is a common occurrence. But just as common as picturing the perfect moment is, is how often it comes crashing down — and our egos and self-esteem with it. 

This daydreaming or envisioning of the perfect moment actually has a name — it’s a concept coined by best-selling author Sarah Wilson called Perfect Moment Syndrome (sometimes abbreviated to PMS). While we all have expectations of how we want our lives to go, people who suffer from PMS (completely different than the PMS we all know and love, premenstrual syndrome) have unrealistically high, virtually unattainable, expectations of a situation or moment happening perfectly according to plan — and when it doesn’t, they experience anxiety, depression, or severe despair. With PMS, there is no in-between: things are either a massive success or an utter failure. 

PMS can impact lots of areas in our lives. Ever cry on your birthday because it didn’t live up to your expectations? Feel down on holidays because they somehow fell sort of what you imagined? Feel inexplicably sad on a date that was supposed to be perfect with your partner? Yep, the culprit might just be PMS. 

While Perfect Moment Syndrome can be caused by several things, social media plays a huge role. A place where people only post their picture-perfect successes, social media’s curated display of flawlessness only exacerbates our unrealistic expectations of life and ourselves. “Day in the life” videos like this one from @georgiestevenson for example, that show successful business owners doing it all — and then some — don’t exactly make us feel like we’re up to par. 

But here’s the thing: while we know how often comparison is the culprit when it comes to things like body image and social status, we hardly ever think about how this kind of perfectionism and comparison impact work, a place that is essential to women’s economic success, and fundamental to gender equality.  

PMS in the workplace can look a lot like imposter syndrome — something that impacts a huge percentage of women, even high-level executives. When we set really high expectations of ourselves, and then don’t meet them, we blame ourselves: we aren’t motivated enough, smart enough, and worthy enough. This causes us to be more reluctant to take risks and try new things — potentially missing out on other opportunities, which can contribute to the gender pay gap.  And, of course, all that self-imposed pressure at work can impact our mental health drastically. Much like perfectionism, PMS can cause or contribute to mental health issues like anxiety and depression and even make us lose sight of what we actually want, and who we are. If we’re always striving for some fabricated, perfect moment — conjured by social media and outdated markers of life success — we’re not actually diving deep into ourselves to understand what we actually want and why.

Here’s how to leave PMS behind in 2024: learn to embrace what is, not what you want it to be. That means embracing things like soft ambition instead of rigid perfectionism, and Instagram-worthy success. Set realistic goals, born from deep introspection and understanding of what you want out of life — not what you see on social media. Most importantly, though, ditching Perfect Moment Syndrome requires a collective effort. Surround yourself with other women who are real and authentic — and might even be struggling with PMS, too. 

Sign up to find out more about AllBright's growing US community