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Your Words Have Power!
Have you ever given thought to the words that spring forth from your mouth at work? Would you like some support in how to avoid and let go of those words that are not serving the professional woman that you are, and change them into ones that support your potential and career growth?
The words you say, and the people you say them to, have immeasurable power to shape your progress and your potential. The words you say can bolster your authority. They can also undermine you if you don’t choose them carefully.
Let’s explore some commonly used words that we need to strike from our vocabulary and replace them with ones that support our confidence and worth.
1. Sorry!
This one is huge, and one that women tend to internalise and thus use more often than men. Hmmm! Do you use this a lot? If so, it’s very likely that you are making yourself small in certain situations. You are literally apologising for being! Yikes! Unless there’s a genuine and valid reason to use the ‘S’ word, other words can help us to keep our sense of who we are without diminishing ourselves, as well as respecting both us and the other. You may want to replace this with: ‘I apologise’, ‘Excuse me’, or ‘I have something that I want to say’.
2. Just.
This is a sneaky one! Yet each time we start our communication by saying: ‘I just want to…’, ‘I’m just wondering…’, we are not being clear in our demands. Clarity is important for coming across as confident. And this clarity is actually more well-received than diminishing what you are really wanting to say.
3. It’s not fair!
Oh boy! You know the one, don’t you?! It’s not fair is the cry of the victim. The one who is hard done by. It’s akin to moaning about something rather than taking responsibility for the situation. Sure, it may not be fair that someone else got the role that you desired, yet can you see that instead of grumbling about this, you can transform the experience into wisdom and understanding? Change ‘it’s not fair!’ into your authentic voice. Maybe what you mean is, ‘Ok. So, so and so got that role. Good for them. I would have loved that, but it didn’t happen this time. What can I do to make the changes necessary so that next time it will be me who gets it?’. Again, you are seeking to empower yourself.
4. This is probably a stupid question, but…
Firstly, let go of assuming that whatever is coming out of your mouth is stupid! That isn’t going to help you cultivate the language of confidence. This is negative self-talk at its height! It erodes your credibility and makes others suppose that you lack confidence, which is the opposite of what you want. Instead, if you’re not clear about something then say so. Being honest gives you an opportunity to learn, and gives another the opportunity to teach. It’s a win-win!
5. It’s not my fault
Oooft! This is a huge one! This one smells like lack of ownership and responsibility, both qualities highly valued in building your worth and value, alongside respect. There is also a hint of blame here, and unwillingness to take accountability is a matter of trust, a quality highly valued and needed within a work context.
6. I can’t!
If we’re really honest with ourselves, this one is a lie. 99% percent of the time, when we utter the phrase, ‘I can’t’, what we’re really saying is ‘I don’t want to’. This suggests that you’re not willing to do what is offered but, and this is crucial, it doesn’t allow any give to work out a compromise, or to negotiate within the dialogue. If there is a real reason for not being able to do what is being requested, instead, why not offer an alternative solution? For example, ‘No, I can’t meet you to review that presentation today. But how about tomorrow morning at 10 am?’ Be specific in your alternative suggestion. A vague, open-ended alternative suggestion is just as bad as no suggestion at all. Also, this is a negative phrase, and negative thinking does not inspire confidence within you.
Human Behavior specialist, Melody Wilding, says: “Increase ownership over what you say by replacing “I can’t” with “I won’t”. This is a subtle yet powerful way to demonstrate agency, independence, and control – especially in work environments where you may feel ordered around.”
7. This is too much for me!
If you find that you are feeling overwhelmed with responsibility, rather than throw everything up in the air and panic, how about taking a pause, a breath, and reframing these words into something more helpful and positive? Try saying, ‘How can I figure this out?’, or ‘What do I need to get this job done?’. This invites openness, possibility, and a response (rather than a reaction) to the situation at hand. If you need to ask for support then do so, but do so from a place of authority. There’s no award for being too independent. As they say, there’s no ‘I’ in team!
A few examples of weaker words or phrases you may want to avoid:
These include “kind of”, “sort of”, “I suppose”, “usually”, and “I guess”, among countless others. Let your words have strength and belief in them that reflect back who you are, and the inner confidence that you have. Remember your words have power.
If this article resonates and you are currently considering how best to accelerate your career, increase your confidence and discover what it means to you to lead at work. Then why not join our online live programme, AllBright’s 12-week Career Accelerator, running for the second time this Summer.