As we continue to work on our tricky relationship between our careers and our personal life – and the love and passion we feel within both spheres – a big question is this: what happens when you go through a significant break up and it affects your ability to do your job?

Back in October, Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni made headlines for her decision to take a “personal day” after separating with her partner of 10 years, television presenter Andrea Giambruno. “I’m sorry to not be with you in person, but I, too, am human,” she said over video link at the Brothers of Italy conference. 

This moment of imploring for colleagues to understand our humanity rings true for so many of us. While romance remains at the centre of our worlds in so many ways – our pop culture experiences, how we might seek out certain life milestones such as partnership, marriage and having children – there’s undoubtedly a stigma surrounding what is socially acceptable when we navigate a romance ending. 

Heartbreak is a universal experience, but we haven’t quite mastered leaving space for how someone might need to look after their wellbeing as they go through it, particularly in the UK workplace. Other countries are leading the way in this respect – heartbreak leave is offered by companies in Japan, Australia and the Philippines, as well as Germany, where it is called “liebeskummer”, which translates to “love sickness”. 

“Heartbreak is a loss,” life coach Nikki Innocent says. “We create space for bereavement leave or time off from work when we have suffered significant death, loss or grief in our lives and for people going through major heartbreak our bodies, emotions and minds go through a similar process.” 

Let's break down the emotional and physical ways that heartbreak affects us. “Heartbreak can trigger the stress response system, which secretes cortisol, raising blood pressure and other fight-or-flight responses,”  relationship and sexuality expert and certified life coach Courtney Boyer explains. “Additionally, it can lead to appetite changes, headaches, poor sleep, loss of motivation, feelings of depression and anxiety, and an overall decrease in wellbeing.” 

Considering the myriad ways heartbreak can affect our ability to work, workplaces would do well to accommodate this. “A more wellbeing-focused working culture is the way of the future,” Courtney says, adding that workplaces should be aligning with these values in order to attract and retain employees.

“Company culture is changing because the younger generation is demanding more work-life balance… Companies that are not committed to supporting the entire employee will be left [behind] because employees see the value in being part of an organisation that offers them support, such as health incentives, childcare subsidies and business coaching, that they need in a fast-paced, global economy.”

The message that offering heartbreak leave would send, above all, is that an employee’s wellbeing matters. Plus, it’s practical – the Positive Parenting Alliance spoke to employees that were going through a divorce or separation and 95% reported that their mental health at work had suffered. Research by Vitality also found that 62% of people have never taken a day off work for their mental health. The need to eliminate this stigma aside, allowing employees space during this time is likely to guarantee better work and productivity from them on the whole.

"When companies invest in their employees and allow for time away, they are recognising the importance of rest and recovery, which we know has positive long-term impact on an employee’s productivity,” Courtney says.

Taking heartbreak leave empowers us to take control of our healing journey, as well as the space to reflect and recharge before returning to our work goals and ambitions refreshed. “It’s hard to focus on meeting quarterly deadlines when you’re consumed with grief,” she adds, insisting that “time away is essential for healing and long-term career success”. Importantly, widespread heartbreak leave in the UK would do wonders in destigmatising how we talk about heartbreak, particularly in the workplace, and encourage a sense of personhood and belonging, according to Courtney.

“Heartbreak leave would legitimise the realities employees face in relationships and life. Nearly everyone will experience some sort of heartbreak,” she says. “Pretending like it doesn’t exist does no one any good. In fact, it further perpetuates this notion that employees are machines, there to perform and produce, ignoring the very personhood that makes them valuable members of a company."

As we speculate about the benefits of heartbreak leave being available, it’s important we ensure that all relationships and break ups qualify. Earlier this year, large employers such as NatWest Group, Vodafone, Tesco, Asda and Unilever signed up to an initiative that commits businesses to recognising divorce and separation as “a major life event”, and taking steps to support their employees going through this.

The trouble, though, is what about employees who didn’t marry? Or have ended a relationship that doesn't fit this criteria, but are still struggling? “Society values long-term relationships, including marriage, over short-term relationships,” Courtney says. “The problem with only supporting those situations is that who decides when a relationship is long-term? It becomes too problematic to have a cut-off point for who is allowed to experience heartbreak.

Acknowledging the importance of offering heartbreak leave indicates a more holistic approach to an employee’s wellbeing. Some may not want to take it, but what’s important is that it’s there as an option.

“For some, going to work can be mentally beneficial when grieving a past relationship, whereas others might find value in taking time off for reflection,” relationship expert Dr Kalanit Ben-Ari adds. “Personally, I believe that workplaces should offer psychological and mental support to everyone, tailoring it to the individual's needs.” 

Nikki suggests that workplaces provide other supporting resources for employees going through heartbreak, instead of just focusing primarily on leave. “I’d recommend organisations come up with a suite of offerings for people going through significant relational distress in their lives, which includes access to mental health professionals, specialists and coaches to help them navigate the complexities of the experience and also creating a path to acknowledgement within the confines of their work dynamics,” she says.

Of course, operating in a patriarchal workplace may cause women taking heartbreak leave (or even mental health leave) to feel like they are being perceived as less capable of doing their job. 

“Heartbreak and traditionally associated emotional responses are often trivialised because in our patriarchal lens, they are seen as something that are ‘feminine’,” Nikki says. She recommends that workplaces “give these emotions as much, if not more, recognition, while also [acknowledging] that these types of significant life changes are likely to impact a person’s wellbeing and performance within an organisation or team.”

“If people are wanting to find ways to reinforce the stereotype that women are weaker and less capable of doing their job, then they will,” Courtney adds, suggesting that we should be fighting for policies like heartbreak leave that highlight and prioritise wellbeing regardless.

“The only way we can really remedy [misogynists diminishing a woman’s role in the workplace in this way] is by giving people the opportunity to take heartbreak leave and see how it impacts productivity, innovation, and creativity.”