I recently bought my first ring light, which is usually a sign that something as completely jumped the shark (including that saying, if I am using it). That’s because I’m more of an ​observer than an early-adopter, which is probably why I was the last person on earth to buy said piece of confidence-boosting tech...

Why the resistance: In part, I assumed that what I was contributing, my thoughts and opinions, mattered more. And because I (naively) didn’t think it would make much of a difference. Oh, silly me. I got my first hit at a friend’s place, as she was setting up to host a webinar. She is incredibly polished and always looks great, so I was surprised to see her plugging in a little portable ring light she had picked up from Kmart. 

“Does it do much?” I asked.  “Sit there and watch this,” she said.  I positioned myself in front of her screen. A tired-looking 40-something looked back.  “Now hit that button,” she said.  I turned it on. Um, hello. My skin perked up. My eyes sparkled. I pulled my shoulder back a little and admired my reflection.  “I look so much more… awake.”

Did I feel different? I wondered as I stared at myself. Yes, I begrudgingly admitted that I did. Perhaps a ring-light was the new swipe of red lipstick or power suit. 

The next day I set up my new light (which I bought on the way home) for a weekly team call. We began and as usual, started running through the week’s projects. Then: “Brooke, you look so well,” someone remarked. Another colleagued added: “Yeah, you look… glow-y.” Did I hear suspicion in their voice, I guiltily wondered. Did they know I had actually bought a light to look better? I felt vain. And a little guilty. I didn’t have some radiance secret. I didn’t get more sleep. I didn’t look any different. I had just turned on a light. 

The confession welled up. “I’m not glowing; I just bought a ring light,” I told them. “Look!” And I switched it off. And the fatigue crept back into my face, and I slumped a little (so I turned it straight back on). “Everyone should get one - you just feel so much better.” And so began a conversation about how staring at our faces while remote-working was messing with all of our minds. 

All of which got me thinking about how, too often, we present an effortless front when it comes to our appearance or how organised our homes are or our ability to stay on top of our work. But the truth is that when you start to dig, there’s nothing easy or effortless about modern life. And if you’re a women, it’s even harder. 

Take me: I consider myself totally low-maintenance. But really, in truth, I have had my body hair lasered off, my wrinkles relaxed with toxin, my jowls have been blasted with ultrasound waves and I slather expensive creams on my face every morning and night. My gentle highlights aren’t natural. I do reformer Pilates classes a few times a week and I rarely eat after 7pm. Maybe the reason I think of myself as low-maintenance is because we are conditioned to make it all seem easy and effortless. We are taught not to sweat it. To keep calm and carry on. We keep the blood, sweat, hunger and tears under the hood. 

A good friend of mine with a huge job and small children admitted to me recently: “I stay up until 2am a few nights a week to stay on top of work and keep the house tidy.” My jaw hit the floor. I had no idea, mostly because she never seems very tired or stressed. I don’t know how I thought she managed to get it all done. I probably just decided she was better at me than life. I should have know better, because there is no easy way out. The truth is that we do an excellent job of hiding how hard our lives are sometimes. And we rarely share the lengths we go to in order to keep our shit together, look presentable, and make life work. 

I guess what we’re all trying to do is live our lives and get everything done without looking exhausted… or admitting what it took to get there. The irony being that in doing so, we almost guarantee burnout. I don’t think the answer is to stop trying… but I think it could be good if we all talked a little more about what it takes to get life done. Partly, so we can feel supported. Partly because it’s truthful. And mostly because this way, we can share our tips and tricks. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, it’s as simple as pressing a button to rewind the clock for an hour or so.