Drag superstar and reality TV queen RuPaul immortalised the importance of self love with the words, “if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” – but it seems that the concept can translate into success in the workplace too.

According to multiple studies, individuals with higher levels of self esteem and self worth are more likely to succeed and have lower levels of burnout and higher levels of job satisfaction. Research has also found that self esteem positively correlates with our productivity. The better we feel about ourselves, the more work we are able to do.

And yet, self love still feels elusive to so many of us. In fact, it has been found that one in two women worldwide feel more self-doubt than self love, which is suggestive of a self love crisis. 

Empowerment coach Bryony Williams, who recently spoke about the subject at an AllBright event, insists that practising self love can feed into both your visibility and ambition in the workplace. “Self love is important in the narrative you use towards yourself, your intentions and whether your behaviour aligns with what you want - nurturing both your inner voice and your actions is imperative in feeling truly yourself in everything you do,” she explains, warning of personal and professional consequences if we don’t prioritise self love at work. “If we shy away from our true self and we don't take time to love who that person is, then it shows up in our physical self and the workplace.” 

Moreover, she elaborates that a lack of self love can “slow down our ambition and success” due to the pitfalls we may fall down when comparing ourselves to others. We may even feel obligated to moderate our behaviour according to a patriarchal, masculinity-inspired expectation to be aggressive in the workplace, instead of behaving in a way that aligns with our own (maybe softer) personal instincts. This lack of nurture of ourselves manifests physically through stress in the body and can hold us back, Bryony adds.

She points to traditional and historical workplace norms of hierarchy and presenteeism as defining reasons why self love isn’t prioritised in the way that we work. The pandemic, she says, has shifted how we are at work, in lots of cases giving us the freedom to not have to “present” and be available in the same way at work, giving way to flexible and remote working and by extension a shift in how employees feel about themselves and how they work. Bryony adds that self love is about “reclaiming what work environment suits us”.

Life coach Courtney Boyer says that those at management level of many workplaces still “don’t know how to prioritise self love” due to “a pervasive belief that our personal life should not impede on our work, despite the fact that it does. ‘Check your emotions at the door’ is the motto”. Additionally, women’s leadership coach Nikki Innocent reminds us of the working world’s societal construct “that focuses on transaction and profitability over everything”.

“Those things do not prioritise self love,” she says. “Instead they covet ultimate efficiency, repeatability and scalability to a point where many aspects of our lives that used to be beacons for connection, joy and fulfilment have become robotic and distant.” 

Another reason that we may forget to prioritise self love is due to the prevalence of comparison culture, whether it’s on social media when we see our peers get promoted before us, or focusing on our colleagues’ progress over our own. “We live in a world of comparison - the noise is hard to drown out when we are surrounded by and consuming other people's energy 24/7,” Bryony says. “Prioritising our own needs requires space, love and care.” 

Otherwise, burnout becomes a risk, which she explains happens due to “a continuous drip feed of not prioritising your own needs, your own self care, your own self love.” This often happens if you don’t feel aligned with the values of the business that you work in, feeling “unable to communicate in a way that feels authentic” and therefore “not listening to your inner voice”.

Prioritising self-love can contribute to success in the long, medium and short term, according to Bryony. In the short term, you feel “more in control, less distracted and more focused, simply through being your own cheerleader” and in the medium term you will accrue respect from your colleagues for knowing your own boundaries. And of course, long term benefits include having the self confidence and self esteem to walk away from workplace situations that don’t serve you and towards better opportunities, as well as an increased trust in your own instincts.

Bryony states that there are many different ways to show yourself self love in the workplace, to encourage your ambitions and movement toward success. From practising affirmations to establishing boundaries (removing yourself from spaces and relationships that are no longer serving you), there’s a way into self love for everyone. She recommends regularly cleansing your workspace of physical distractions as well as reflecting not just on things you’ve achieved and your pride in that, but things that may not be making you feel comfortable and steps you can take to remedy that.

On top of that, Nikki encourages “embracing what makes you stand out and releasing yourself from pressure to ‘fit in’ at work”. “Wearing a mask to blend in at work takes way too much energy and ultimately separates you from your power and life force to bring to life what you uniquely have to offer at work,” she explains. While this is achievable on an individual level to a certain degree, it’s also the responsibility of workplaces to ensure employees feel confident to shed the pressure to “fit in” and embrace self love in this way.

Knowing both our feminine and masculine energy, and drowning out the noise to focus on the former when we need to is, according to Bryony, “the ultimate of self care, love and attention” for women in the workplace. “Masculine traits have been celebrated and honoured for a very long time because it has been mostly men at the top of those businesses. Now we are realising that those traits need to be balanced very much with emotional traits such as nurturing,” she says. This nurturing undoubtedly can be aimed at ourselves, as well as others.

Of course, like other means of practising self love, championing femininity is something that can be done by individuals but must also be encouraged by workplaces at large. Organisations and individuals must work together to make space for self love as a regular practice in the workplace, to make space for work that fulfils both the professional and the personal.

“By challenging the stereotype or notion that feminine energy is inferior, we promote a [working] environment that is respectful and inclusive of all individuals,” Bryony says, adding that above all: “the key is being yourself, and to know who that is you have to start with self-love.”