Does your birth order impact your personality? Apparently yes. And more than you'd imagine. Gemma Dawkins speaks to Michael Grose, the author of Why First-borns Rule The World (Later-borns Want To Change It)...

Like a true Millennial, I start most days by rolling over and grabbing my phone. I keep meaning to swap my morning scroll for a meditation mist and affirmations, but in reality the first thing I do upon waking is check emails, and then Instagram. In a recent foggy early morning Instagram scroll I spotted a quote that made me laugh: “were you really a pleasure to have in class, or were you just the bossy eldest daughter with an undiagnosed anxiety disorder?” Feeling seen, I shared it to my stories and got on with my day.

A couple of hours later, after dropping my kids off at daycare, I opened my Instagram app again. My inbox was flooded with laughing face emojis (hey, I warned you I’m a Millennial) from other first-borns who had the same reaction as I did.

So when I came across the work of Michael Grose, author of Why First-Borns Rule the World and Last-Borns Want to Change it, I was intrigued. The book suggests that not only is it helpful for us to understand how our birth order affects us personally, but the way we parent, teach, and even work together can be greatly assisted with this knowledge. The book was first released 18 years ago but it’s recently been fully revised and updated. And that’s because the world is changing, and so are families. So before you sidle up to your bossy colleague at the water fountain and casually ask whether they’re the eldest, let’s ask the book’s author what we need to know about birth order...

In the 18 years since you first published the Why First-borns Rule The World, the world has changed. What have some of those changes meant for families and how have you updated the book to reflect this?

The main changes in that time have had to do with family size, or rather family shrinkage. With approximately 60% of Australian families being two children or less we now have more first borns as a percentage of the population and sadly, fewer middle born children.

To reflect this change I’ve divided birth order positions into two distinct types:

·   first borns including eldests and onlys ·   later borns including seconds, middles and youngests

I also included a chapter for teachers as the move to smaller families impacts on children’s wellbeing. I really believe that teachers should make more of birth order knowledge. It’s a rich vein of information about kids that they have at their finger tips that they largely ignore.

Nearly 50% of the population in the developed world are first borns. Why do eldest children tend towards perfectionism and anxiety more than others, and with this trend, what do we need to do as a society to support them?

First borns are subjected to greater scrutiny, more parental pressure and all of their parents’  neuroses so perfectionism and anxiety tends to go hand in glove with this cohort. As a society we can learn more about how to manage anxiety and perfectionism on a practical level. For parents, they can take a step back and reflect on the expectations and pressures that they tend to place on the shoulders of eldest children.

You talk about something called the ‘Prince Harry’ effect in the book - can you explain a bit about this?

As families shrink, seconds borns have become the youngests in the family. When both children are the same gender then the second born often shares some of the traits of contributed to youngest borns- i.e extroversion, risk-taking and impulsiveness. The poster boy for this new birth order is Prince Harry.

We know there are more and more blended families, so how does birth order work when you consider a child might be biologically the eldest, but may grow up in a family where they have for example older step-siblings?

Step-families often collide, rather than blend, due to birth order personalities. There is nothing worse for an eldest to experience than dethronement, so I sense there may be some resentment in the example you refer to. If the age gap is large - say 10 years - then there would be little issue, as there would basically be two distinct family groups.

We should obviously consider birth order when we reflect on our parenting approaches, but is birth order something that continues to shape us as adults? And if so, how should we use it to help us interact with colleagues and partners?

Be aware of your own birth order as it can be a lens to how you see the world, and take into account the birth order personalities, preferences and strengths of others.

With birth order being something you have spent so much time researching, where do you stand on the nature vs nurture debate?

Nature is a powerful determinant. Biology throws up temperament and genetic imprint, but nature is an incredibly powerful influencer and shaper of a child’s personality.

If you could sum up the personality traits of first-borns, middle children, and youngest children in just a few words, what would they be?

First borns: family conservatives, achievement-oriented, conscientious, anxiety-prone. Seconds/middles: resilient, social, justice seekers. Youngests: charmers, high risk-takers, doubt themselves Seconds/youngests: extroverts, risk-takers, change agents.