It’s a funny thing, being in the job market. Your mindset often depends on how you feel about your current role. For the most part, I’ve only ever left jobs I like. I think it’s the best time to go… when the frustration niggles have started, but are yet to take over. Some job moves have been about change. Others, seeking out personal growth. Or just seeking out a team full of people I really enjoy spending time with. Other times, the driver is cold hard cash.

When you dip into LinkedIn or whatever platform you use, at first the bar is super high. The next step has to be just right. The perfect role. And so you filter out everything that doesn’t fit the bill, and only apply for roles here and there. And then if you don’t get nibbles, the unease starts. And so you cast your net wider… and that’s how we often find ourselves tap dancing for a role we’re not even sure we want. 

The problem is the search is about seeking the offer, and it’s often not until we are on the precipice of accepting that we really kick the tyres. Will this role work for me? Is the location good? Is it the kind of company I want to work for? Is there enough opportunity for personal growth? Will I have autonomy? Am I actually interested in the work I’ll be doing? Is it an improvement on where I am now? Does the culture seem good? And so a really important part of the process starts as you switch from seeking to a more strategic mindset. This is when you put yourself at the centre of the decision. 

A friend of mine recently turned down two senior roles in a row, in her effort to find the next step. In the end, her current employer salary-matched the second offer, and it made her current role (which she loved) a far more attractive proposition. She also had some doubts about the culture and job security of the other roles, which in the current state of the world, really matters. Anyway, the whole process was stressful and tricky to navigate, but she did so gracefully. Here’s a run down of the three things that made the process easier: 

1. Let go of the fear that you’ll burn a bridge

It’s strange how we can be so concerned about people and companies we barely know, but when you turn down an offer, it’s disappointing for employers going through a recruitment process. It will likely come as a surprise, too. But your job right now is to advocate for what works for you. So focus on that and keep it polite and professional. They will move on quickly. And if they make it personal, that’s probably a sign you dodged a bullet.

2. Move swiftly

Take a beat, but don’t drag your feet. Ultimately, if you feel hesitation in accepting the role, it is wise to think about why. Is it just the nerves that change brings? New roles can feel risky, because you are leaving behind a team and workflow you understand. Or is there something more to your hesitation? Figure it out. You can often buy yourself a little time waiting for the contract.

3. Make your reasons known, kind of

My friend and I threw this one around a lot. How much information do they ultimately need? If you’re too far apart on salary, then say that. But this can seem like a negotiation tactic, so be clear about whether you are turning it down or wanting to talk more about remuneration. Other reasons might be: there are elements of the role you don’t want to do; the location of the office isn’t convenient; your current company has made a counter-offer. And of course, always thank them for their time.