We’re all guilt of a late night scroll. Of checking our phone first thing in the morning and switching on when we need to switch off. We know we need boundaries, but sticking to them isn’t as easy. Brooke Le Poer Trench takes us through how to put down our digital devices.

Something interesting happened last week. I was sitting in a high school gymnasium listening to a lecture on study skills for Year 7 students. Parents had been invited along to help support their children and hopefully ensure the skills stick at home. But when we got to the part about digital boundaries, the adults started shifting nervously in their seats. My husband threw me a look THAT SAID, ‘this is something you should really listen to,’ and I shot the same one back. I could feel my stomach tightening. The  advice was common sense enough. There was: keep your phone out of the bedroom. My knee-jerk response: Are you kidding, lady? How else am I supposed to watch the new season of Younger in bed at night? And then this one: Don’t look at a screen 30 minutes before bed. Great for my daughter, but unfortunately scrolling before lights out is one of my self-care rituals. Obviously, the fear this triggered in me also highlighted that perhaps I need help. To follow, three ways I am going to create better boundaries. If you’re equally triggered, read on. 

Use technology to control technology

The easiest way to create instant boundaries is to create limits. It’s also possibly the most helpful if, like me, you’re prone to “catching up on the news” only to realise you’ve just lost 30 minutes. My work is connected to what’s happening in the world too, so it’s very easy to justify this sort of time spending during the workday. The fix offered to my daughter is one that I intend on using myself: a free and open-source app called SelfControl, that lets you block your own access to distracting websites, mail servers and basically anything on the Internet. You just set a period of time to block, add sites and apps to your blacklist, and hit the START button. The great thing about it is that until the timer expires, you cannot access those sites… or delete the app. Genius.

Consider your mental boundaries

As anyone who has tried to give up anything knows, mental boundaries are tough to establish —and this is especially true in the digital world. It’s hard to not let your mind drift to a mail or text notification you haven’t read, or start wondering if people commented on your latest post. Even when you’re not online, the idea of it comes up. And then there is the knock-on impact of having spent too much time online, which can leave you feeling [insert anxious, insecure, envious, self-loathing]. I’ve started monitoring how I’m feeling as I scroll, liking friends posts and cooing over new babies/puppies, while admiring their dreamy renovations. There is usually a point where the enjoyment fades and other feelings come up - and it’s at about the 20 minute mark for me. So I get out as soon as that happens. Studies back this up: limiting your time online can make social media less stressful, according to research published in the journal Computers in Human Behaviour.

Learn to waste time

Part of setting boundaries in our digital lives needs to involve time away from it completely — just to see what happens. And I love the work of Alan Lightman, PhD, on this topic. He’s a physicist and author of In Praise of Wasting Time. He basically challenges us to consider our frantic, hyperconnected lives and rethink how we spend just a fraction of our time. I am guilty of this focus on efficiency—I’m buying kids school socks on the bus to work,  while listening to a podcast and adding things sporadically to my to-do list. Lightman points out we’re missing the windows of time to reflect about the world, ourselves and even ask the big questions. I know this because I’m convinced the only place I have truly creative, out-of-the-box ideas is in the shower. No surprise that it’s the only place I can’t bring my phone. According to Lightman, when you unplug and your time is unstructured, your mind is able to spin freely which is really the only way many psychologists agree that creativity happens. In his book, he suggests spending 24 hours without using a smartphone or computer. If that seems like too much, try sitting alone in a chair for 15 minutes without any external stimulation. Allow your mind to wander. Let your thoughts flow.  What do we have to lose, aside from a couple of brilliant ideas!