When perfectionism is drilled into us it can be hard to take a step back. Writer Emma Winterschladen tells us about how swapping “perfect” for “good enough” during the Covid-19 pandemic has changed her mindset for the better.

The fact that one of the most pivotal moments in my career came while I was scrolling Instagram on a Sunday evening feels very millennial. It happened in August last year, after a particularly busy, lonely week crouched over various screens. I was three months into life as a fully-fledged freelance editor, writer and illustrator – the very thing I’d been longing to spend my days doing, in some way or another, since I could pick up a pen. And yet here I was, feeling that familiar Sunday night lump in my tummy at the prospect of getting back to work again on Monday morning. It was at this point my eye snagged mid-scroll on an #ad for an Integrative Arts Psychotherapy course, starting in September. One all-body ‘yes’ and five hours of research later, I was booked onto a taster day for the four-year, part-time MA that I’ve just finished my first term of. My move into the world of freelance pitching in June couldn’t have come at a worse time. I'd been on the receiving end of the media's many Covid-induced cuts, and told myself this was the leap (push!) I needed to start carving out my own path. But within months of doing the very thing I’ve always wanted to do, I was scorched – miserable, exhausted, creatively depleted and financially anxious. Admittedly we were, still are, amidst a global pandemic. But the burnout felt deeper for me – as did the disillusionment.

According to a recent report, , published in October last year, work-related stress, anxiety and depression is on the rise. Commissioned by the 4-Day Week Campaign, and independent think tanks Compass and Autonomy, author Nick Murray examines the stark reality of the UK job market in the report – from its always-on culture, to its detrimental relationship to our nation’s mental health. It isn’t a happy read. Murray writes about how we are not only facing an “impending recession and mass unemployment”, but that many experts are warning of a looming mental health crisis. It also cites a Mental Health Foundation survey that found people who have been working from home during the pandemic have been clocking up, on average, an extra 28 hours of work a month – with women 43% more likely to have increased hours. This year, more than ever, the boundary between our personal and work lives has collapsed. But what about those of us for whom our personal and work identities have long felt inextricably bound, as is the case for many freelancers in the creative industries?

In her 2019 book, Jenny Odell speaks of “the cult of individuality and personal branding” that typifies so many creative careers today. I first read her words in England's lockdown number one, nodding along with what felt, at the time, like an intellectual distance. But it’s only now after months of navigating the online world of self-promotion in a clumsy, self-conscious dance of sharing-too-much-not-sharing-enough that I feel its truth to my core. Freelance creative work requires you to exist on your own island, in your own head (often sitting in one position, with little to no interaction with others), before sharing new work you’ve created online in an attempt to gain more work and thus continue to grow your career. As Odell put it: “we inhabit a culture that privileges novelty and growth over the cyclical and the regenerative”.  

But when success is measured in productivity and visible outputs, it can be hard to create space in our days for other things, such as rest, relaxation and joy, says holistic psychologist , also known as The Optimism Doctor. “The idea that we have to be constantly 'doing' doesn’t serve any of us – minutes become something we need to fill with tasks. If we can lean instead towards the idea of purpose and progress over perfection – in our lives and our careers – we will be able to live more presently in our days, and not end up comparing ourselves and our work to the heavily curated careers we see online.” For me, it’s been a strange thing shifting from a forward-facing, curated career to the slow, deep, quiet and private work of training to be a psychotherapist. I find myself in conflict: wanting to share what I've learnt or create content for my Instagram that can be consumed immediately, but also wanting to respect my own process and embrace being a beginner, which can feel hard in an industry where being an expert is a currency. So how can we go about embracing our process when so many millennials like myself have perfectionism ingrained into our work ethic?

“Toxic perfectionism is closely related to an idea of ‘balance’,” says Dr Deepika. “The idea that we can have a perfectly balanced life inevitably leads to disappointment and self-criticism, because it’s fundamentally unattainable. I much prefer another B-word: Boundaries. If we can focus on creating healthy boundaries in our day-to-day lives, whether that’s boundaries from other people or even our own selves, we can preserve what is actually our most valuable currency: our vitality. Examples of everyday boundaries can be the power of saying ‘No’, watching our news consumption, trying to stick to empowering language rather than disempowering language when we talk about ourselves or our day, and even creating a specific time to worry during the day.” For me, this has been about swapping perfect for good enough. It’s been about recognising and enjoying when I’ve had a good enough day, even if that’s just meant chipping away on a project that I can’t yet share. I no longer want everything I do to be a high stakes operation – a public statement of my values, a perfectly parcelled-up delivery of my story, or a scroll-stopping creative expression of my deepest truths. I’m learning instead to embrace low-stakes ways I can make a living. This is where my new Etsy shop, , has come in. As well as helping me pay my bills each month, it’s also given me a reason to show up online and connect with my ‘Frolleagues’ (‘Fellow Freelance Friend Colleagues'), without having to constantly be sharing profound parts of my work I’m not yet ready to share (namely, my course).  As I look out across the empty horizon of 2021 and the decade beyond, I want to give myself permission to lean into the unknown – with my heart, mind and arms open to all that my career may, or may not, be. And throughout it all, I want to be able to live and work in a way that leaves space and time for joy, connection and rest. Because that feels like real success to me.

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