Mention the word “perfectionist” and someone will immediately pop into your mind. Or perhaps you identify as being a bit of one yourself. Either way, one thing is certain: the place where a perfectionist’s qualities are most evident is in the workplace...

My first time full-time job was working with a person I would now describe as a perfectionist. Or Type A. Or someone who only likes things done exactly her way. But at the time, I only knew one thing: whatever I did, it was never good enough. She always seemed disappointed. And while some of that was to be expected, because I was incredibly junior and in the role to learn skills, something else going on. I could tell that while she was trying to teach me… she was mostly just changing every single thing I did to mimic exactly what she would do, whether it was good or not. Of course, I couldn’t put my finger on it at the time. It was only much later, when I came to mentor others, that I came to know the distinction.

In truth, I both admired and feared the obsessive control she brought to her work. Because while I found it to be an incredible thing to behold, I also knew we were built completely differently. And that concerned me. She had this low-level hum of anxiety that fuelled her work… it drove her to obsess and never compromise. It meant she could recall the tiniest details about work we had submitted months before. And she liked things done a very, very specific way, with very little room for movement. I was her opposite. 

Looking back, my relaxed nature must have been so irritating to her. I could feel it, even though she tried not to show it. I felt like I was several links below her on the evolutionary chain. My memory wasn’t as sharp. I didn’t seem as passionate. And what I didn’t understand at the time was that her way was just one way to succeed. 

What I now know is that while her output was excellent, the work climate her management style created was not great for the mental health of anyone (me) working alongside her. My enthusiasm for the role started to wane. Before I did anything, I would try and see it through the lens of what she might say, rather than considering what I thought. And self-doubt crept into every corner of my work. 

One definition that I’ve comes across resonates: a perfectionist is someone on a personal crusade for flawlessness. And that’s because when you work with someone who embodies the qualities of a perfectionist, everything feels so personal. The work is personal to them, and their contempt feels personal too.

Later in my career, when I was more seasoned, I got another job with another perfectionist. This time, while she was my boss, I could do something outside of her remit. I had a skillset she respected. And so I got to work alongside her, without being under that bright, critical glare in the same way.

With this new balance, I found myself enjoying working alongside someone with the same exacting standards I’d experienced earlier in my career. This time, however, I had a few learnings of my own. I’d figured out a way to get on the same page as people with specific ways of doing things, thanks to some Brene Brown wisdom from a podcast interview that stuck.

This is what the famous resilience researcher and author said: Get ahead of disappointment by getting to the bottom of exactly what good looks like for your manager. This gets ahead of frustration: mine at having to do things over and hers for not getting exactly what she wanted. So I would routinely ask: “what does done look like for you?” And then I would drill down further into specifics again. 

This was a change for me, because until then I had prided myself on being a self-starter… the kind of person who can get a simple brief and turn it into something great. Someone who didn’t require too much hand-holding. Now, I took more time. I asked for far more details than I ever had before. Because this was her business, she had a vision, and the better-aligned I was with that, the better my work would be.

I also have more compassion for perfectionists now. I’ve seen that the flip-side of them being so motivated and conscientious is a faster-rate of burnout. Research also shows that perfectionism is also closely correlated with mental health issues, including depression. And I think we can all benefit form their high standards too… just as long as they cut us some slack.