As children, birthdays are something we look forward to, every year another milestone and another step closer to something we covet - learning to drive, travel, moving out, going out.

So when does that excitement start to turn to dread? When does our age become a secret, or the punchline to a running joke? 

There’s no magic number, but we think it’s time to turn that narrative around and celebrate the magic of ageing. In our recent Australian Let’s Not Pause: Virtual Menopause Summit, in partnership with QV Skincare, we spoke with three incredible women who are changing the way we speak about ageing and menopause. Dr Ginni Mansberg is the author of The M Word, and a celebrity doctor. Faith Agugu is the founder of Silver Sirens, an annual gathering to celebrate women over 50. And Belinda Kerr is a registered midwife and cancer survivor, who experienced early menopause in her thirties after having a double mastectomy and her ovaries removed. Together these three women unpacked the mysteries of the taboo that is menopause, and showed us exactly why ageing is something more women should be owning. 

If you missed it, you can watch the recording here.

Here are 10 things we learned in our summit...

1. Negativity around ageing is a Western construct

Faith Agugu: “Eight women in a row were referred to me, and all of them were struggling with ageing. So for the first time, I really got to see really close up what women were going through. The negativity around ageing, or the idea that women lose value as they age, that's a very Western construct and lots of other cultures don't have that. So it was really interesting for me to observe these women and they were presenting with the classic symptoms of grief: denial, depression, sadness, bargaining, and then acceptance.”

2. We have things easier than our grandmothers did

Dr Ginni Mansberg: “Our grandmothers...went through menopause. They had no relief for any of the symptoms of menopause. They had grey hair because there was not much hair dye. A lot of these women couldn't escape dysfunctional relationships. There were no family lawyers, there was no social security for women who were older, if they left abusive or unhappy relationships, and they couldn't earn any money, they didn't go to work. So if you think about it, our generation of women is just so far ahead of the curve than our grandmothers.”

3. Menopause doesn’t mean the end of womanhood

FA: “For me, the question I asked was would I be less of a woman without my lady bits? Will I be less of a woman now that I've had a hysterectomy? Would I be less of a woman now that I've gone into menopause? And I wondered, why did I think that? When you think about puberty signifying the beginning of womanhood, then it makes sense that the mind might think menopause signifies the end of womanhood, and I had to unpack those beliefs myself and realise that wasn't true. When I accepted that, then I could really enjoy what it feels like to be a post-menopausal woman, which is where I am now, and I really enjoy being post-menopausal.”

4. Ageing is a privilege

Belinda Kerr: “Reaching the age of 50 and getting to menopause is a privilege denied to many people. I'm really excited to get to 50. I'm not there yet, but I feel really excited that in past years, many people died at 40, so if I can get myself to 50, 60, and 70 in a happy place, having no period, that's a big tick for me. It is the natural progression of life. When you're 12 or 13, you awkwardly walk into puberty, and then it's the natural progression of a healthy female body for your period to stop. So I think at a very basic sort of biological level, it is the natural progression.”

5. Women in their fifties are commercially powerful

GM: “Women in their fifties outspend younger women by quite a large margin in a whole range of sectors that go from skincare to fitness, to car purchases. And often that's because we women in our fifties have come up through being educated, having our own jobs. We've actually got a bit of money behind us in a way that maybe our mothers and our grandmothers didn't have. And so I think companies that want to go direct to consumer often ignore women in their fifties, at their commercial peril. So I think you'll see a lot more embracing of women in their fifties because we are a key market that a lot of companies want to embrace.”

6. How to find a good GP to help you through menopause

GM: “All GP's operate from a position of being terrified of getting sued, we're all terrified of that. So we practice this sort of defensive medicine where we take no personal risks for ourselves. Having said all of that...doctors who join the Australasian Menopause Society are actively seeking and paying for education in that space. I've met a lot of doctors who are not members of the Australian Menopause Society who are incredibly knowledgeable and incredibly generous with other women. But I think it's a good place to start if you're not getting your needs met, because they're doctors who are really interested in that space, and you're probably more likely to encounter empathy and knowledge from people who've paid for membership when they don't have to do that.

7. Lifestyle is as important as medical care

FA: “When I was in the depth of my menopausal experience, I felt really sluggish. And I noticed that my body had started to change. One of my best friends is an Ayurvedic doctor, and I went and saw her and she said, "Faith, for the first time in your life, you're going to have to exercise." So I started exercising, and I looked at my diet and there were certain things I needed to change. Exercise has been such a huge part of my life since then. And I believe it's part of what keeps me feeling good and really enjoying this menopause phase of my life.”

8. We need to acknowledge the challenges of menopause

GM: “While I love the positivity, and I think it's really essential that we focus on the positivity, I think equally, we need to give women help when physically their bodies are not helping them get to this amazing stage of their life, all guns blazing. So I think we need to open the conversation where women can talk to a doctor or a pharmacist or a naturopath; whoever can help you, but let's empower women to get the help that they need so that they can really live their best life, rather than just trying to be positive, positive, wiping sweat off their brow and being awake half the night.”

9. Brain fog is best treated early

GM: “We tend to see brain fog happen as your estrogen levels taper off, so that's the end of perimenopause and then menopause proper. And we don't know why it happens to some, but not all women. At this stage, there is more we don't know than what we do know about brain fog. There are quite a few supplements that have been studied, but very few of them for menopause specifically, and they tend to be studied more in the dementia area. Our main opportunity is to intervene in what we call mild cognitive impairment, which seems to crop up around 40, when you’re just not as sharp on things as you used to be. And if you can intervene there, then that's when you can push out dementia, that's our best hope.”

10. Where to start with menopause

BK: “I think I would be having a really good conversation with a great GP and someone like Faith, turning to someone also in a counseling capacity that can help evaluate your life so you thrive, not survive. But also take the treatments that are available, get onto it early.”